You are always receiving compliments about things that you do not personally find exceptional. You find yourself being aggravated by people, without understanding why. If you want to function optimally in a group then you need a measure of self-awareness. When you know your own strengths and weaknesses you can more easily recognise these characteristics in others. You will also find it easier to understand your own reactions to others. The discovery of your own core qualities, qualities that belong to the very being (the core) of a person, quickly sheds light on rational problems with others and increases self-awareness. With the aid of this CD-ROM you can assemble your own four personal core quadrants and so learn to understand your own core qualities, pitfalls, challenges and allergies. You assemble your core quadrants by selecting characteristics that fit in with your character. DOES NOT WORK UNDER WINDOWS XP.
Core qualities are attributes that form part of a person's essence (core); people are steeped in these qualities, which place all their more or less striking characteristics in a certain light. A person is 'colored' by his or her core qualities. It is their strong point, the characteristic that immediately comes to mind when we think of this person. Examples of core qualities are determination, consideration (for others), precision, courage, receptivity, orderliness, empathy, flexibility, etc. Core qualities are expressions of the Self that generate inspiration. They are not so much characteristics as possibilities that can be 'tuned in to'. Just as radio sound quality is partly determined by fine-tuning it to the right wavelength, so, too, does a manager become more inspiring when he is tuned in to his own core qualities. And just as the capacity of the amplifier affects the final sound quality, so, too, does the creative capacity of a manager partly determine the impact he has on his surroundings. Core qualities can be recognized as a person's special qualities, about which they themselves will say: 'But everyone can do that!' Everyone cannot and what is more, if the underlying core quality were to be removed, the person would be unrecognizable. That is because all other, less prominent qualities are infused with this core quality. The core quality is always potentially present. It cannot be switched on and off at will, although it can be concealed. The main distinction between qualities and skills is that qualities come from inside and skills are acquired from outside. Skills can be learned; qualities can be developed. The clearer the image we have of our core qualities, the more consciously we can apply them to our work. Someone whose core quality is, for example, perseverance, knows he or she will function particularly well in situations that require staying power, and that he/she will always be able to 'hang in there', both at work and at home. Whether this principle will actually be applied in private life is another matter entirely. Just as there is no light without darkness, there is also a light and a dark side to every core quality. The dark side is also called distortion, which is not the opposite of the core quality as active is the opposite of passive and strong the opposite of weak. Distortion is rather the result of an overdeveloped core quality. The core quality 'helpfulness', for example, can become 'interference', if overdeveloped and turned into a weakness instead of a strength. This is popularly called 'too much of a good thing', which expresses it perfectly. Someone who is too careful risks becoming fussy, and flexibility can easily go too far and be experienced by others as inconsistency, which is something a flexible person is likely to be accused of more than once. The distortion of someone's core quality is also his or her 'pitfall'. This pitfall is a label the person is often given by others. For example, a person whose core quality is decisiveness is reproached for being pushy. Whether or not this is right, the pitfall just goes with the core quality; they are inextricably bound. Core quality and pitfall go together like light and darkness. Facing the dark side of our core quality can be painful, especially if it appears that we are less perfect than our 'idealized self-image' suggests. Learning to handle our core qualities and their distortions and becoming more aware of our positive inner potential is a process that, with the right intention, can be both instructive and fascinating. Just as the distortion can be determined on the basis of the core quality, we can also return to the core quality from the distortion, although this is usually more difficult, especially if it bothers people. It may be hard to imagine a positive core quality behind this distortion. Besides, we are not used to looking for positive things. For example, of what positive attribute is sentimentality the pitfall? It could be empathy, but there are also other possibilities. If you do not know your core quality/qualities, there is only one way to discover it/them, and that is by asking yourself what people often reproach you for, in the sense of: 'Don't be such a..'. or 'Don't be so..'. Then ask yourself of what positive quality this is an excess, and there you have one of your core qualities. Managers are confronted just as much with their employees' distortions as with their core qualities. Learning to spot the core qualities behind the distortions makes it easier to 'see through' unpleasant behavior. The core quality of an arrogant person may be that he or she makes an impact. Obstinacy may hide the core quality of determination, just as Mr. X's obstinacy may be a distortion of his perseverance. In confronting someone with his or her distortion, it is important to have a positive attitude to the person as a whole. Confrontation is only useful if it focuses on behavior. No one is ever a pushy, lazy or clingy person, rather, it is pushy, lazy or clingy behavior that bothers us. By separating person and behavior, it becomes easier to find the core quality behind negative behavior. If the one who initiates the confrontation has no desire to learn or confirm the other's core qualities, the confrontation will usually be ineffective and counterproductive, since the confrontation will then be directed against, and not for the relation. It becomes only a matter of avoiding or destroying something instead of creating, shaping or realizing things! Besides a pitfall, a person's core quality also comes with a 'challenge'. The challenge is the positive quality diametrically opposed to the pitfall. For example, the pitfall of pushiness may offer 'patience' as a challenge. The core quality and the challenge are complementary qualities. Striking the right balance between insistence and patience is what matters. Too much decisiveness can turn into pushiness, and to prevent the pitfall it is advisable to develop the challenge. Creating balance means thinking in terms of 'and-and' instead of 'either-or'. The secret is to be both decisive and patient at the same time. It is not a matter of becoming less decisive out of fear of being pushy, but to develop a patient decisiveness. Someone who is patiently decisive no longer runs a risk of being pushy, which is a logical consequence of his or her being 'whole' in this respect. The problem is often to be able to see how the two qualities can be combined. It seems to be either a matter of decisiveness or patience. The person in question considers these qualities more as opposites than complements. The pitfall of inconsistency may go with the challenges 'order' or 'structure'. Very likely, this person has great trouble imagining flexibility and order as compatible instead of mutually exclusive concepts. 'Yes, but then I'd become inflexible...', is a fairly standard reaction to suggestions along those lines. Inconsistency is no longer a problem for someone who is flexible in an orderly way. Pitfalls and challenges are usually the sources of conflicts a person has with his or her environment. Conflicts, irritation and mutual tension are often born of blindness to one's own qualities (and their distortions) and those of others. As previously mentioned, potential conflicts with the environment can often be deduced from a person's core qualities. The problem is that the average person appears to be allergic to an excess of his or her challenge, particularly if personified in someone else. Decisive people will often blow their top if confronted with passivity in another. They are allergic to passivity, because it is an excess of their challenge (= patience), and they often do not know how to handle it. The more another confronts you with your own allergy, the greater your chance of falling into your pitfall. If your core quality is decisiveness, you run the risk of becoming even more pushy, while reproaching the other person for being passive, etc. This can become a vicious circle which will be very hard to get out of without outside help. You risk reinforcing each other and ending up in a hopeless conflict. In other words: look out for your pitfall when you spot your allergy in another. It is not their pitfall, but by their allergy, that makes people most vulnerable, because this is what drives them into their pitfall. Formulating the allergy completes the core quadrant. Now what happens if two similar characters meet? It is not hard to imagine that two decisive persons may not have an easy time together. There is a very great risk such a meeting will turn into a confrontation between two very pushy types, which will be won by the stronger. The difference in confrontations between similar and contrasting characters is that, although a decisive person may have problems with someone who resembles him, he will respect the other. This is not the case for his opposite. If a 'decisive' person encounters a 'patient' person, he will soon label the patient person as 'passive' and consequently look down on him or her. Disdain is characteristic of situations in which people are confronted with their allergies. Looking down on someone makes you vulnerable, because before you know it you will have fallen into your pitfall and cease to be effective. The core quadrant makes it clear that a flexible person will have great difficulty recognizing 'order' in someone else as a positive quality and will tend to disqualify it by labeling it as 'rigidity', because he or she cannot imagine order and flexibility complementary to one another, neither in himself nor in others. Likewise, orderly people will find it difficult to appreciate flexibility in someone else, because they will immediately want to label it as 'inconsistent or chaotic'. The core quadrant is not just a tool for discovering your own and others' core quality and challenge, it also demonstrates that it may very well be that a person can learn most from the people he dislikes most (is allergic to) or, in other words: Something you are allergic to in someone else is probably an excess of a quality you yourself need most. A person can learn most (about himself) from those with whom he has the greatest problems interacting.
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